music is life
every song comes to an end but there's no reason not to enjoy the music
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Katherine.T
entries
Thursday, January 04, 2007
I have no idea where to start... Every single thing is whizzing past so quickly that I didn't have time to pause, take a breather, reflect... Now's the chance but I can't seem to grasp what I have to say... everything is just swirling in my mind, with bits and bits piling up in a frantic attempt at warped rationalisation...Year 2006 was filled with expectations, elation, disappointment and frustration. Most of the time, I was simply too tired to do anything about them. Living a life is so hard. Or probably because I have been living it the wrong way. I know there isn't a right or wrong. But sometimes we, me included become too fixated on getting definite answers in life - how we should do this? how we should do that? why we did this? who should do this? What if? Risks are always present and it depends on how we take on those risks bravely, work around them and solve the issue.I missed my friends so badly that I needed to tell them how much I care. I have things to share but there never seem to be an appropriate time for that.. 2007 will be a turning point as I am prepared to venture forbidden grounds... There are things that people don't know and they probably will not understand my actions because of that... I don't mind being misunderstood cos life is full of misunderstandings anyway. If we try to clear every single one of them and become fixated on getting a good impression, life is going to be dreadful and tiring. I'm sorry, that's not how I want my life to be.I have made my goals clear to those should know. I know it shouldn't be the case since I have made a commitment but sometimes there's just nothing much I can do to get back the drive and motivation that I had initially. The tiring sessions simply wore me out that it's pretty much irreparable. It's totally my fault. My rashness to serve. My overconfidence to think I can cope. My stupidity to say 'no' as an answer. It was my greatest worry all along and it didn't fail me after all. I've learning to say 'no' now. Not much of a choice when circumstances force me to. But it's all too late.It wasn't my intention to tell but I had to. Not because I wanted to prevent any misunderstandings but I had to be honest. At least with myself. Anyway, it's pretty daunting that I'm actually being more open with friends I am not exactly very close to than friends whom I'm confident in confiding in.
The little ironies in life.
