music is life
every song comes to an end but there's no reason not to enjoy the music
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Katherine.T
entries
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I usually dun believe in such stuff but it describes me right to the core... at least as far as I can understand myself...Courtesy of Luyi: JULY babies are...Fun to be with (Not true). Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood (So true). Quiet unless excited or tensed (Extremely true). Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly (Not true). Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets (Ah... so true). dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things (YES, true! small talks? not for me..). Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying (So NOT true). Loves to be alone (Very true). Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.I'm writing this in school cos I've 3 hours to spare as I await for my tutorial at 5pm.. See, how bored am I...Ok, enough slacking. Back to my pile of readings=(
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Finally, after a long and dreadful wait, the applications for SEP is now open! I can't wait to go to UCB or UCLA.. But there's so much to worry about now. Applications, module-mapping, settling my tuition assignments - I can only teach for half a year if I were to go for SEP, and I have a Sec 4 student.. or maybe two.. How to leave when it'll be nearing the prelims? Hai.. Headache.. I will worry about that later.. I must go.. die die also must...I can't be selfless at the expense of such an opportunity right?
Just returned from Chen Peter's concert @ esplanade. For the record, he's one of my lao shi(s) at MC...It had been a year since his first solo concert. This year's concert, though shorter, was much elaborate in terms of stage setting as well as music accompaniment. Last year, he only had a pianist. This year, in addition to the same pianist, he had a guitarist (the one who played at Wang Lee Hom's concert.. wow!), a double bass and a violinist. I was expecting Yanzi to be at the concert too since she's in Singapore, but nope, she wasn't there to support her teacher.. Disappointed. Anyway, it was definitely a night for us to catch up with one another since I haven't been back to MC very often nowadays...Things have changed. A couple broke up. My instructor-friend at MC is leaving for greener pastures - to SIA, as an air steward. I think that is a wise move for him though... He made the job sound so attractive cos the pay is damn high. Will get him to buy stuff from overseas in future=p Soon, another one will be leaving too. MC will never be the same again without the people whom I started out with. I dun foresee myself going back to MC any time soon, but I'll miss the people, especially those of the last choir.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
I felt alien-ated today.I was sitting at the bust-stop, reading my cognitive textbook with a highlighter in my left hand. An elderly man, probably in his 70s, nearing 80s, with a walking stick (or maybe it was an umbrella... I couldn't remember..) appeared across the road. He crossed the road and approached the bus-stop. He walked closer, closer... and closer towards me with a huge grin, baring his only tooth at me... Then he started speaking in some dialect, probably Hokkein or Teochew, coupled with some hand gestures. I could make out a few words and I figured that he was commenting on me using my left hand to write. He said he could only write with his right hand, not his left, or something to that extent. Apparently, he seemed rather excited though. Stumped by this sudden small talk, I could only stare helplessly at him. The elderly man sensed that I couldn't speak a word in my defense, so he smiled and walked away...I wonder what exactly was he trying to tell me. That I was abnormal? That I should start using my right hand like he does? Hmm... Whatever. But frankly speaking, this is the first time in 22 years that I felt like weird being a scrutinized as left-hander... It felt just like... "discrimination", for the sake of no better word to express my sentiments.. I can finally empathize with Visha who was stared at by a stallholder in Beijing simply because she is an Indian...Are left-handers being discriminated against? Subtly, yes. (1) Most tables in the LTs are hinged on the right so that right-handers can comfortably rest their hands on the table.(2) The MRT gantry is on the right.(3) The violin is designed such that the bow is to be held with your right-hand. I had to suffer with that for 4 freaking years...(4) Most scissors are designed for right-hand usage, that's why I ALWAYS find every pair of scissors that I've come across as blunt...(5) Handshakes on the right hand. I'm quite accustomed to that but still.. (6) Left-handers have to push their pens across the page rather than pulling, leading to bad ink flow and scratching nibs(7) Computer keypad numbers on the right! I've serious problems with that.. Dun ask me why I prefer to use the number keys on the top...(8) Cheque/receipt book stubs jutting out on the left will always be a hindrance... especially when I'm the treasurer=((9) So are writing in books with binders and ring files...(10) Left-handers are NOT allowed to play hockey and polo... What?!This list is definitely not exhaustive.. Now, how glad are you that you are not born a left-hander?
Friday, October 20, 2006
This week has been a mad rush from home to school and back. Setting up the booth at 10am every morning, going home at about 8 plus 9 every night, I haven been studying much this week, except for my Foundations of Engineering tests. Today's MATLAB (programming) test was ok but I think I've made quite a number of careless mistakes... Well, it's over. No point brooding over it.
Finally, the week-long recruitment drive for NUSPsyche (Psychology Society) is going to be over. As of today, we have managed to recruit 75 new members... Not quite impressive but good enough I guess. Well, one more day to go.. we'll see how it goes=)
........
Anyway, I was on the bus to school this morning and it dawned upon me that some things just seemed to have been planned for. Like meeting someone whom you yearn to see, yet it seems like this meeting is not just a random, casual occurrence.. It is specially made to happen to make you realise something - that things have changed. People come and go. Feelings changed over time, at least for now. Maybe it's time to move on and consider the next step. Somehow, I feel so much liberated...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Darn flu kept me from thinking straight the whole day. I would love to pin the blame on the haze but I think it's most likely due to the lack of sleep over the past few days - Cognitive term paper due on Mon, Foundations of engineering test on mon (which I was screwed for... dun want to talk abt it.. sucks.)Sigh. 2 more papers to go. Weirdly, I'm beginning to dread writing scientific essays and i'm pretty cool with writing arts (or rather social sicences) essays. Maybe I'm no longer the science person whom I used to be. Might as well, if I need to survive in this unfamiliar territory... And in an unfamiliar environment with the psychology society ppl. Hanging around with them makes me re-position myself somewhat. You know, like you would assume different roles in different cliques... I'm tired of them calling me a mugger. I'm tired of all the late nights that we had to spend together. I'm tired of the we-dun-really-know-each-other-but-let's-have-fun-anyway thingy. I'm tired of the high expectations they have of me (way much higher than what my long-time friends have of me, I feel..). I'm tired of having to allocate more time for them than for myself or my friends. I miss the 13/01 gang, or rather just the few of them. We should meet up soon...
Friday, October 13, 2006
Sheesh, I'm taking a break from editing my pathetic term paper now...
It's tough when I've to critically examine a alternative framework which is hard to disprove, and yet at the same time, hard to prove. After spending 4 days reading journal articles over and over again, trying to summarize the key concepts and pin-pointing substantial findings to support my assertion, and what do I have now? 2 pages full of crap! Argh.
When there is a page limit, we can only afford to include the main points, and in-text citations (APA-style) simply take up more space than the main text do (at least for mine... )! Nonetheless, we can usually get around this limitation by reducing the margin widths=p But, this time round, my prof actually restrict the margin widths as well. WTF! How to write a solid essay like that? I'm contemplating using footnotes/endnotes but I'm not familiar with the format and I'm just.. simply LAZY!
LAZY. Yes, that's right. I did an exercise in my adolescent psychology's class that requires us to write down what others think of me and what I think I am. So, it basically goes like "My parents/friends think I am... BUT I am really..."
My friends think I am a mugger but I am really... NOT A MUGGER!!!
Ok, I admit I may be slightly close to that but I detest the negative connotation that goes with it. I'm not a nerd. In fact, I've been called a HIMBO but someone. Just last night, I met an old schoolmate and we chatted. I was stumped most of the time during the intermittent conversation, especially when it comes to the nuclear test in Pyongyang. Oh, wtf, how would I know? ... I was just stupidified by how little I knew. Maybe I am dumb after all.
Maybe I am too focused on getting good grades that I would prefer to do my readings than to read the newspapers. I'm sure I'm not alone but that doesn't make it any better. Am I getting my focus right? Is getting into dean's list that important? I wouldn't want to spend my entire youth fighting for something which I vaguely know what it means to me.
Taking up a position in the executive committee of a society - Is that what I want for myself or for others to see? Taking up singing again - Is that what I really want to concentrate on or do I want to move on to try other stuff? Somehow, I feel really lost...It seems like the haze has penetrated into my life. I can't distinguish the expectations of others and those of my own now...
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Ok, this sounds really.. duh.. that I must comment on it.I tried to leave a comment on my friend's blog and this error popped up: "Please confirm you are a human below." Then they requested for me to "type the letters and numbers you see below (those that you get when you have to sign up for stuff online), to prove that you're not a spam robot. If you can't read the text, type "AUDIO" and take a sound test instead." When I made a wrong entry, this came up: "Incorrect response to spam robot challenge." What the~ I know that spam robots can't recognise distorted patterns like humans do (something I picked up in my cognitive psychology class too) but maybe they can be, erm, less humorous about it. Dunno if a pun was intended. Come on, "please confirm you are a human below"! What the.. *pengz*
I would like to share something that I've understood from my cognitive psychology class - ironic process of mental control.Sometimes we keep thinking of the same thing even if we do not wish to. Studies have shown that thought suppression may actually lead to continued expression. (E.g. if I would like for you not to think about a white bear; think about anything but a white bear. You will find it very hard not to think about a white bear.) However, such ironic process of mental control will only show up if you're under stress. In fact, the more you try to think of something else (say, y) to distract your attention (from x), the chances that this very thing (y) may become a retrieval cue to think about x. Yup, that's how ironic our mental control can be. Haha, enough of me trying to sound like I know my stuff.. But it's true, really.Here's the advice: To get over a relationship, get rid of all possible retrieval cues associated with the person you are trying to forget. Yes, what you have seen in dramas - people throwing away stuff that their ex gave them - works=) In the event that you are trying to distract youself from thoughts about the person, try thinking about different things each time, so the chances of it being associated as a retrieval cue are limited. In fact, I remembered my prof saying that it would be better for thought expression rather than supression under such circumstances... Think as much as you want. Soon, you will get over it. Hmm, don't know how true this is...Anyway, here's the main point - a note to my dear friend. Most of the time, matters of the heart are pretty tricky, and there isn't an ideal to compare them with. It isn't as straightforward to step into a relationship before knowing what to expect. Once you're in it, it isn't as easy to see things objectively, even if you want to. And once you're out of it, it isn't easy to put things down, even if the other person may not be the ideal one, cos the emotional attachment is hard to deny. Before stepping into a relationship, we all have an ideal representation of what a relationship should be. Some of us may not even have an ideal, constantly searching for what "love" means to them. However, there is nothing wrong with that, precisely because there isn't a model of an ideal relationship that can fit all of us. "Love" is just an abstract concept As soon as we step into a relationship, we tend to compare, with previous relationships or with what others have been thru. Every relationship is unique and comparisons can't be made objectively. While it is human nature to compare, we should not be too affected by the outcomes of the comparisons made. Keep this in mind. Never mind how long each relationship lasts. Never mind how others will see you. Never mind if the ball is not in your court to make things work. Never mind how to get over it or how long it will take for you to get over it. Never mind about not being able to put it behind you. Never mind about who's going to move on first. These are not important. Some things aren't within our control and we may be worrying unnecessarily. Know what you value most in a relationship. Know what you expect out of a relationship. Know yourself thoroughly. If you need to worry about these along the way, then it is best to trash things out before moving ahead. If it is so unfortunate that a separation ensue, then give each other some time, or simply pack up and move on. Each relationship has a lesson to be learnt, so tell yourself what you've learnt and make a mental note of it. Not everyone is lucky to find THE one at the very first try. So dun lose hope and dun be afraid to find a better one. Whatever happens in the future, you friends will always be there for you.
