entries
Thursday, January 12, 2006
I remember someone asking me this: Do you live to eat or eat to live? Hmmm, i thought it was a little ridiculous. Come on, is life just about eating?
What do we all want to achieve in life? I have given some thought to it but they were just brief flashes of thought which doesn't solidify any concrete understanding of what i truly want in life. I wanted to be a doctor. A successful neurosurgeon, to be specific. A turn of events led me to deviate from that dream of mine. Sad. Last year when i've decided to change my faculty, i wanted to be a teacher, a psychologist (clinical/industrial-occupational/educational), a neuroscientist, yada yada. It just keeps changing. I even wanted to lead the life of a wanderer. Travelling & working around the world. Earning for my own living. But is it possible? Of course... it isn't. I've got an obligation of repayment.
As a matter of fact, we often only skim the surface. What we say we want are actually what we deem we should rightfully do. What others have been doing, be it successfully or not. What our parents want. What the social norms are. But, are these really what we want- To have a successful career, financial stability, an ideal family wif 2 kids and blissful retirement?
Is this life? Is it a game? Where there is a start & an end? Is this the ultimate purpose of life?
I'm afraid so. Is it right... or wrong? It's up to you.
Life is really life a game. A game of
snake & ladders.
Yes, that game. Every player make entirely different moves to get to the end. Every throw of the die presents a different path. Every game is different, even with the same players. We all lead different lives & make decisions that determine where we eventually end up. In fact, every single step we take has an impact on what will happen in the very next second. Consider stepping on dog poo. Does that 1 step makes a different to the rest of your day? Does that affect your mood & ur sleep & in turn, your state the next day too? Sort of a domino effect. Ok, it doesn't happen to you? Erm, well, fortunate you. Even deciding not to go for a run today cos you are tired has that kind of impact. Not running today might justify your future stoppages. "There's always tomorrow." "I'll make sure i do it the next day." It just makes you slacker. It's in fact, a vicious cycle.
Ok, i admit. I was talking about myself. I've never made it to run or even any form of exercise since the crippling marathon. Ok ok, i'll make sure i'll do it once it doesn't rain like mad K? Bet me on it.
Somewhere along the way, we regret certain decisions. But, every decision made is RIGHT. Or is it not? Well, we often say we regret our decisions. But think about it. We only regret our decisions after we make them. That's because our thoughts have changed over time. We are growing every minute, every second. Why the decision was made is because it is the right thing to do at that point of time. At that split second. If it is a wrong decision at that point, we wouldn't have made it, right? We made the decision because it seems right? Right. So, don't regret because there is nothing for you to regret. Every decision made is right at the moment of consideration. Sounds confusing? Ya, it's supposed to. If you see stars already, congrats, you are not mad.
In this game of life, as Ms Wong said, everything happens for a reason. For we are who we are, i say. It is so true yet so tough to explain. One thing leads to another and we accept what's in store for us. We let the story unfold. Our life has just been paved out before our very eyes. We won't know what's going to happen the next second but it definitely extends from the previous second. So naturally. It justdoesn't pop out of nowhere, trust me.
Then my train of thought was interrupted by an interestingly ignorant conversation between 2 secondary boys i think, who stood beside me in the train... damn it. Irritating.
*Well, Tall boy: taller than me. Short boy: Shorter than me. Period.*
Tall boy: When we exercise, our body releases amino acids.
Short boy: So are these amino acids good or bad for our body?
Tall boy: erm, (Changes topic straight away)...
Cute.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
I'm still awake even though i've not slept last night and caught a nap for less than 2 hours after i got home. I just sleep when i dun want to & can't sleep when i want to. Sucks.
Sigh. I have a 3-day week this sem but i'm still not happy. I wonder why. Anyway, bidding just suck. There must be some people who push the minimum successful bid to above 700. Irritating, these people. Hmph.
Anyway, once again, kudos to alvin for organising our CG chalet! Though we didn't do much over at the chalet, but i think we all felt good about it i suppose. All the blur mahjong players. The wake-bernard-up mission. The mass-destruction-of-ants mission with boiled water. Ouch! The proposed walks to here, there, everywhere by ying. The green tortoise vs blue tortoise match of the year by yenfang & xin. The yummy cheesecake baked by Wing Yee & Koh Sing. The superb hiding place behind the lamp stand by koh sing. The dedicated segment of "Daniel Attack". Can't get enuf of his, erm; some things are best left unsaid.
And of course, as promised, i will write about the no-brainer of the, erm, month.. (It's only the start of the month, come on... but i expect no one else to beat him at it... unless eric comes back.. haha)
Though it's just the start of the month, i guess no one would disagree that he deserves the award. Right away. Immediate. Haha. Hey, such unanimous recognition is hard to come by leh.
(dan's expected reaction: pui!) haha. And so, the "
No-Br@iner of January 2006 Award" goes to the guy who
(i) took out his matric card upon reaching his house door
(ii) took out his keys just before he reached the train gantry
(iii) cleverly blurted out: "36 is common in alot of times tables what! like 3 x 4 (?)" *It made us wonder how on earth did he managed to pass his maths...
& the list goes on. Too many for me to list. I wouldn't want to write a 5000-word essay man.
of course, we await more dildo-moments from, him any time, any place, any how...
Stay tuned for more next month=p
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
NYE was special. It seemed that it was a turning point for me & my mum. Thank you,
eley. Love you for listening to my grouches, tolerating my silence, & for abandoning your other friends to spend NYE with me. You have a function, girl=) Haha... My dear friend also gave me some words of encouragement which i thought were very sweet:
A little Morale BoosterYou're really something, do you know that? And in spite of whatever may happen in your day, you are going to stay that way: trying and giving and living life in the best way you know how. So keep your spirits up, and keep things in perspective. It's going to be okay. -
Ceal Carson Though things did not get any better but at least we are all clear of the direction we're heading at the moment.
One last chance it is.
The last 2 days have been a little traumatising though. 2 pieces of news. Bad news. Really felt sorry for them; though i would very much love to help, but some things should be settled on their own. Only they know the whole truth of the story & only they can help themselves. Really hope they can pull through this period and grow stronger after these ordeals.
It seems like this CNY won't be celebrated in high spirits...
