music is life
every song comes to an end but there's no reason not to enjoy the music
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Katherine.T
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Monday, September 04, 2006
Ok, I'm blogging again cos I'm feeling damn damn damn stressed now. !$!#$@%$#^%$ The day started out well but didn't end so well. I am depressed by my helplessness in teaching my student tonight. wtf. I feel that I'm a sucky tutor, and that makes my question myself if I am certain that I want to teach upon graduation. While some women experience pre-natal depression, I seem to be having pre-career depression=( I can't handle my students now, so how can I handle a class full of students in the future?I just wondered: maybe my expectations of myself have been set at an unattainable level right from the start. I have never asked my friends what are their objectives of tutoring. Is it for the stable income? Is it for the passion to teach? For me, it is both. I want to help my students understand their material and hopefully teach them the skills to study under the local education system. If it works for me, it may be useful to them too. But my passion to teach has been faltering so much that I feel like giving up this whole tutoring business. After all, I am a full-time student so my main job is to study, study, study. Not to forget that I now have to account to people other than myself, and I can't afford to do badly. It spells super duper high STRESS when people around you have high expectations of you. Fail and you are doomed.I would love to just focus on being a tutor, teaching my students whenever they need help and not merely spoonfeeding them with all the answers and teaching through topic after topic like they can't self-study. But this is not possible. Sometimes I feel that the teachers of my students aren't doing their jobs well enough, such that I ended up having to teach and re-teach my students the stuff they might have learnt in class, all at the expense of not being able to practice more questions. Often I would face with the dilemma of practising questions so that they will be more prepared for the exams OR to go through the topics in depth and heck care the assessments. Even as a home tutor, we are often faced with improving grades against educating and cultivating a learning spirit in our students. I can't imagine the stress that I have to face when I will be thrust into several classes of kids. I cringe at the idea of multiplying this by a few dozen times~Right now, I wish I can talk to people who would lend a listening ear. I do not need advice because I wouldn't want the responsibility of solving my problems to land on my friends. I know they all have enough problems to fret about. But I can't talk cos I don't know how to. People often confide in me but I simply can't reciprocate in they same way; I can't confide in others. Which is why I write here... my only way of expression.
: 10:14 PM